(no subject)

I sit alone, cold and tired, and wait for the phone to ring. I have to make a decision tonight, one that I'm already about 98% sure of but still don't want to make all the same. She's not any better. It looked like she might be getting better but this morning she was worse again. I think it's possible Kitten picked it open while licking off the salve. It's tough to rationalize this. I'm going back and forth with my decision because even if we do heal this wound, the chances of her doing it again are very high if I don't get the leg amputated. I don't want to make her live like this. I care about her too much to have her live in pain.

Tonight or tomorrow morning, I will have to put Antigone to sleep.

That hurts.

(no subject)

I sit alone, cold and tired, and wait for the phone to ring. I have to make a decision tonight, one that I'm already about 98% sure of but still don't want to make all the same. She's not any better. It looked like she might be getting better but this morning she was worse again. I think it's possible Kitten picked it open while licking off the salve. It's tough to rationalize this. I'm going back and forth with my decision because even if we do heal this wound, the chances of her doing it again are very high if I don't get the leg amputated. I don't want to make her live like this. I care about her too much to have her live in pain.

Tonight or tomorrow morning, I will have to put Antigone to sleep.

That hurts.

(no subject)

Just talked to the vet. Fuck. It's impossible for me to speak up and say that I need to put her down. He wants to keep trying but he doesn't see the pain she's in. I just...I want to cry right now because she's not getting better and I don't know if I can do this for another two weeks.

Fuck. And I know that people have so much more going on in their lives than me and I feel like a shit for being so fixated on my pet. So sorry and I understand if y'all quit reading these.

(no subject)

Just talked to the vet. Fuck. It's impossible for me to speak up and say that I need to put her down. He wants to keep trying but he doesn't see the pain she's in. I just...I want to cry right now because she's not getting better and I don't know if I can do this for another two weeks.

Fuck. And I know that people have so much more going on in their lives than me and I feel like a shit for being so fixated on my pet. So sorry and I understand if y'all quit reading these.

(no subject)

I've decided that I have no spine. I wonder if I can get my mother to call the vet and make the appointment to get her put to sleep. I've pretty much made the decision that I'm going to, I just don't want to come across as a horrible person to my vet who seems to think that this is fixable.

Also, the house was nice and quiet because it seemed as if the sister demon had gone to sleep but alas no. She is up and on the phone and ruining my quiet house. It was just me and the dog and the pigs and the mechanical birdy. We made no noise besides some snuffling (dog), squeaking (pigs), typing (me), and insulting (mechanical birdy). That was nice. Though the bird was kind of a little bit being a bitch.

Want to wriiiiite. Plagued with doubt. Made graphic for story I am plagued with doubt from instead.

Eviiiil Photoshop, eviiiil.

Need to feel better. I shall go read Montana since it's now my safety blanket of slash. It makes me happy.

(no subject)

I've decided that I have no spine. I wonder if I can get my mother to call the vet and make the appointment to get her put to sleep. I've pretty much made the decision that I'm going to, I just don't want to come across as a horrible person to my vet who seems to think that this is fixable.

Also, the house was nice and quiet because it seemed as if the sister demon had gone to sleep but alas no. She is up and on the phone and ruining my quiet house. It was just me and the dog and the pigs and the mechanical birdy. We made no noise besides some snuffling (dog), squeaking (pigs), typing (me), and insulting (mechanical birdy). That was nice. Though the bird was kind of a little bit being a bitch.

Want to wriiiiite. Plagued with doubt. Made graphic for story I am plagued with doubt from instead.

Eviiiil Photoshop, eviiiil.

Need to feel better. I shall go read Montana since it's now my safety blanket of slash. It makes me happy.