ramblings...

[visionshadows]

When I was younger, I used to dream about getting away from home. I seriously looked at colleges in Montana and Alaska, thinking the further away the better. I was a strong kid, I could live away from home and make my future. I didn't need to tie myself to my family and I really didn't want to stay in South Jersey. I really wanted to go to Montana. I've never been there and I don't know if I will ever be there but for about three years, I was certain my future lay in Montana. I don't know why. No one goes to Montana.*

I can't leave now. I don't want to leave now. I've spent the last month alone, living in a house by myself with only a dog around. I can't do it. I need my mother and my father. I need to know that someone else is sleeping in the house with me. I need to know that I'm not alone. It's become some sort of obsession almost. I check the house three times before I go upstairs and I have Maeling sleep with me. It's not the same.

I like home. I like my mom. I like my bed. I like my house. I even like South Jersey.

On a completely different note...this is only the tail end of a long conversation about how weird I am which involved me sniffing Raccoon and proclaiming he smells like coffee and discussing searching for raccoons in NYC toy stores...

Dayse: i'm just thinking about weird child!rache

Dayse: trying to part the sea like Moses

Dayse: *giggle*

rachel: i was just trying to re-enact the bible. i was *learning*! ned flanders would have approved

Dayse: heh

Dayse: did you ever succeed?

Dayse: did you part the lawn? :)

rachel: no :(

rachel: i didn't have a lawn

rachel: i lived in a row home.

rachel: i guess i could have parted the concrete

rachel: but it didn't ever work

Dayse: aw

Dayse: that would have been impressive

rachel: tell me about it.



I think I might need to go to bed soon. I have a midterm I haven't studied for at all tomorrow.


*I think I may have just figured out why I'm obsessed with Rhys' Montana. It never clicked until now.