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Sep. 1st, 2001 01:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
visionshadows
T-minus 3 and a half hours and counting.
we're supposed to leave at 2 so really it's T-minus 1 hour and counting but the party itself doesn't start until 4:30. hopefully.
i'm not really looking forward to this. my grandmother and i don't get along well at all. it's a love/hate relationship where i'm basically always wrong and just a stupid kid who takes life for granted. it's loads of fun.
my grandmother always wanted me to be a doctor. pushed me. A LOT. i was on that path for a while. then i decided that i a) couldn't cut it in med school; and b) more importantly didn't WANT to cut it in med school. i decided that i would rather teach biology instead of be a doctor. that got me a lot of disapproving comments and looks. then i went and did the worst thing in her eyes: i decided that i didn't like biology at all anymore and switched to English. honestly. you would think she found out i was really Hitler. i got read a riot act about how i wasn't making decisions that would give me a secure future and going into teaching was one of the stupidest things i could ever do. what kid is ever going to listen to a screw-up like me?
it pisses me off because i've spent my whole life being compared to my cousin Adam. i love Adam. he and i are really close but he's even more of a screw-up then me. BUT he's a) first-born male grandchild; and b) he's extremely active in our religion. he lived in Israel for a year. he's fluent in Hebrew. he still goes to Temple every week. me, i haven't done any of those things. i never even got my Bat Mitzvah. so despite the fact Adam barely graduated high school, has yet to really figure out what he's doing at college, has been arrested for pot possession, is a known dealer in the baltimore area, and lives with his girlfriend, i'm still more of a screw-up then him.
and my sister...i actually feel bad for her in this whole grandmother situation. she's adopted so it makes my grandmother feel like she can treat her like she's not really a member of the family.
and my parents wonder why we don't like seeing her....
today's party is something we both know we have to do. she's 75 and she wanted a big surprise party with all of her friends and as much of her family as possible. so we're doing that for her.
doesn't mean i have to enjoy or it. also doesn't mean i can't hide somewhere with the bunny book and write more SN fic. or some of a WIP.
grrr....
relatives suck.
we're supposed to leave at 2 so really it's T-minus 1 hour and counting but the party itself doesn't start until 4:30. hopefully.
i'm not really looking forward to this. my grandmother and i don't get along well at all. it's a love/hate relationship where i'm basically always wrong and just a stupid kid who takes life for granted. it's loads of fun.
my grandmother always wanted me to be a doctor. pushed me. A LOT. i was on that path for a while. then i decided that i a) couldn't cut it in med school; and b) more importantly didn't WANT to cut it in med school. i decided that i would rather teach biology instead of be a doctor. that got me a lot of disapproving comments and looks. then i went and did the worst thing in her eyes: i decided that i didn't like biology at all anymore and switched to English. honestly. you would think she found out i was really Hitler. i got read a riot act about how i wasn't making decisions that would give me a secure future and going into teaching was one of the stupidest things i could ever do. what kid is ever going to listen to a screw-up like me?
it pisses me off because i've spent my whole life being compared to my cousin Adam. i love Adam. he and i are really close but he's even more of a screw-up then me. BUT he's a) first-born male grandchild; and b) he's extremely active in our religion. he lived in Israel for a year. he's fluent in Hebrew. he still goes to Temple every week. me, i haven't done any of those things. i never even got my Bat Mitzvah. so despite the fact Adam barely graduated high school, has yet to really figure out what he's doing at college, has been arrested for pot possession, is a known dealer in the baltimore area, and lives with his girlfriend, i'm still more of a screw-up then him.
and my sister...i actually feel bad for her in this whole grandmother situation. she's adopted so it makes my grandmother feel like she can treat her like she's not really a member of the family.
and my parents wonder why we don't like seeing her....
today's party is something we both know we have to do. she's 75 and she wanted a big surprise party with all of her friends and as much of her family as possible. so we're doing that for her.
doesn't mean i have to enjoy or it. also doesn't mean i can't hide somewhere with the bunny book and write more SN fic. or some of a WIP.
grrr....
relatives suck.