Rant

[visionshadows]

I opened up the client to say something and now that it's open, I don't remember what I wanted to say. I suppose it wasn't that important then. I have a burning desire to just hole up in my room listening to bad 80s pop music and write Masks all day. I feel so unproductive in my new fandom. Two stories? That's it? And one of them is pure fluff and a big, old throw-away piece. Masks makes me happy, and if I can get all the little nuances into the story that I want to get in, it's going to kick ass. At least to me. I couldn't give a fuck if other people like it or not. This is my version of SG-1 as a team. Yeah, maybe Sam isn't as flexible as she should be and Teal'c is more sarcastic, but I like it. It makes me happy. Not many of the things I've been writing in popslash have made me happy lately. This, a stupid little story about a world where people judge each other by the masks they wear, makes me happy. I like being able to stretch my imagination and write about a whole other world. This is why Water fascinated me for so long until I realized that it would be completely ignored in the fandom. I realized that shortly after Once More With Feeling was posted and ignored.



Three and a half years! That's longer than I've stayed in a college. Popslash has seen me through three schools, three living situations, four jobs, two breakdowns, three cars, and a complete breakdown of my family. And right now I just want to distance myself as much as possible from it and the fandom in general. I wasn't planning on going out and searching for a new fandom over the hiatus. I figured if I'd stuck around as long as I had so far, I could see them through a hiatus. It's not like I actually watched appearances or gave a flying fuck about them when I started in this fandom. It was something new and different and it was an accident that I've stayed with for three and a half years. Now it's gotten to the point where a story doesn't even need to be decent to be raved about. Good authors are overlooked every single day because they don't write sex, or they don't have happy endings, or their stories aren't as character friendly. Well guess what? We write about people's lives and since they're based on real people, they're not always going to be happy. I can't write happy easily. I do sad, dark, angsty, depressing fairly well. If I can make you feel sadness or anger, I've done my job. Happy is an easy way out. Real endings are better. I'm not going to name names, but some people have made the fandom a downright depressing place to be, especially if you don't see eye to eye with them about certain areas. I don't think Justin is perfect. I don't think that JC is a pretty kitten. I don't think that Joey is a family man. I don't think that Chris is happy even half of the time. And I don't think that Lance is comfortable in his own skin. Well guess what, because of all of that, people don't like me. And you know what, that's okay. I write to make myself feel better so because of that, Chris is going to be depressed and hurt. JC is going to be mentally unstable and unsure of his place in the world. Joey is going to be searching for what he's supposed to be instead of what he wants to be. Justin is going to be a spoiled brat who desperately searches for approval. And Lance is going to be awkward and confused about what he's supposed to do with his life.

But really, what's killed the fandom for me is the people. I am literally frightened by certain people in this fandom and reading their journals or their stories makes me uncomfortable. I've gotten to the point where I can't even sit through their posts for the goods such as pictures or news. I guess maybe I'm not as tolerant or strong as other people. Or maybe it's that I've learned I need to protect myself and listening to people whine is not the way to do it. My life sucks right now and that's that. I don't need to expose myself to people crying about whether JC, who NONE of us know personally, is depressed and on drugs because he's done a few appearances looking scruffy and tired. It's just not that important.

I think I'm done for now. I'm pretty sure I've pissed off a lot of people and made a few enemies when people decipher who I'm really talking about. I'm not really subtle sometimes.

[washes hands]

[walks away for now]

[sees friendslist disappear]

Comments

[apetslife.livejournal.com]

What it really comes down to is doing what makes you happy. If writing popslash isn't doing it for you, then it's probably a good idea to step away from it for a while. I hope that doing so works for you, and that things turn around.

I've just got issue with one thing you said: that happiness is the easy way out, and that 'real' endings are better. I myself like happy endings, sad endings, and everything in between, but I don't think that 'sad' necessarily means 'real.' Do I think that the boys are shiny happy perfect people? Oh, no. Definitely not; your description of how you see them pretty much echoes my own. But do I think that their issues and complications and struggles mean they necessarily have to be miserable to be 'real?' Again, no. Happy endings happen in real life. People find love. Things do, occasionally, work out. And it's not necessarily easier; being happy is a constant fight and struggle. But an honest story, with good characterization and strong development and a happy ending that works, feels much more 'real' to me than a story in which everything ends badly for no apparent reason at all.

Those are my two cents, for what they're worth. Again, I hope things work out for you, and that Stargate is fun and fulfilling and that you come back to see us sometimes. :-)

[visionshadows.livejournal.com]

I guess my real issue with happy endings has to do with the glut of stories that have happy endings tacked on to them for no real reason. The same goes for stories with sad endings that have no real purpose. Real endings, endings that make sense in the context of the story, make me happy. When I said happy is the easy way out, I mean more for myself. Happy is easier to read and the general feeling I have is that happy is easier for other people to read, but it's the easy way out for me. I want real and sometimes real is painful. Yes, sometimes real does end happy as well. I just want it to make sense within the story.

[apetslife.livejournal.com]

Yes, sometimes real does end happy as well. I just want it to make sense within the story.

Amen to that. You won't hear any argument from me, that's exactly my feeling as well. And I think that there are many writers in this fandom who write both, and sell me on their stories no matter how they end. Happy *is* sometimes easier to read, especially for people who are reading for escapist enjoyment, or for a good laugh. I'll agree with you there, too. On the other hand, the cathartic experience of good angst can be wonderful, as well.

As for the other stuff...I think of fandom kind of like a sports team, or any other community brought together by a common interest. There are people you like and identify with, and people that drive you straight up a wall, and a lot of people who fall somewhere in between. If you like what you're doing, the only thing you can do is avoid the people who make you nuts, and stick with the ones you like, as much as possible. It's a trade-off, really, between the enjoyment you get from the activity and the parts of the community you like, and the annoyance of everything else. If it's not balanced (or balanced enough to make you happy), then it's definitely not a good situation.

Wow, look at me babble. Long slow Saturday afternoons are clearly dangerous for me. *grin*

[visionshadows.livejournal.com]

Wow, look at me babble. Long slow Saturday afternoons are clearly dangerous for me. *grin*

That's how this whole entry came into being. You know, I probably have homework I should be doing, but that's just too sensible.