(no subject)

[visionshadows]

you grabbed my hand and pulled me out of harms way. pulled me into another world. another life i was unprepared for. another life i grew accustomed to and gradually grew to tolerate. like is far from the term i would use. i became your girl, your angel, your punching bag, your thought depository, your maid, your excuse, your reason for everything being fucked up, your reason for cheating, and finally your wife. a little person with no self-esteem to do your bidding. and make you dinner every night. and submit to your late night groping and fucking. so many things to one person. but i am nothing to myself. and each day begins and ends with alcohol. because i don't know who i am. and i don't like the person i see in the mirror. so i drink to change that image. to muddle it. to blur it. to send it askew. so i can pretend that image of a woman beaten down is not me at all. i am somewhere else waiting to be found by anyone but you.