depression...

[visionshadows]

i really shouldn't be this apathetic about school already. seriously, i have no desire to go or even pass this semester. if i could get away with it, i would withdrawl right now and just be a bum for another semester and than start school in the winter. i don't know what's wrong with me. and i want to take a page from the book of Wax and just not go to school but that's the downside of living at home. there are people here to look at me and say grrr when i don't go. like tuesday when i was honestly sick, i got all kinds of evil looks from the parents for not going to classes.

i'm starting to get that trapped feeling that i had at rutgers. when i lie in bed at night i can't breath and i toss and turn and my chest feels tight and i just. can't. sleep. i feel like everything is closing in and i just want to run and hide but i can't. there's no place for me to go. the last time i had that, i had a nervous breakdown, quit school, and stopped talking to the therapist my parents thought would help me. i stopped talking to everyone except patrick and karen really.

my chest is tight and i can't breath very well. i have to go shower so i can go get on the train and commute.

i think i want to cry.

Comments

[loislane11228.livejournal.com]

:hugs:

You just described me and high school.

Some people just don't respond to curriculum and such. You hate your school, and subconsciously it's making you feel trapped. I dropped out, and while I don't regret it, I don't know if it'd be the best thing for you.

Can you go part time? Drop the classes you just don't have any interest in? I know you don't want to lie to your parents, but when you leave for class, do you have to actually show up? I don't know how many times I left "for class" and then went to the park to read or write. Because another day in that school would have broken me completely.

I don't understand how college works, but. Maybe withdrawing, or cutting back to part time and getting a full-time job that you like would be better. Your parents wouldn't complain as long as you were working, I don't think.

::::big hugs::::: Whatever you do, it's all right with me. You know that.

[wander999.livejournal.com]

Didn't this happen last year too? I swear you get depressed because of the pressure that Drexel puts on you. It's understandable when your semesters are so short.

I love you. I'm here if you need me.