ambition...
Aug. 9th, 2001 12:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
visionshadows
i really need some...
i have things that i have to do but i can't get myself moving to do them. i know that if i don't go to the DMV i am going to get yelled at by my father. he's been patient so far with the whole losing my job and being mopey and depressed thing but it has to be done. i also know if i don't call Drexel for real this time and play phone tag in an attempt to get them to fax proof that i'm a student to my health insurance company he will get made as well. i wish to god i had the motivation to do that for him. and for me too. but right now i'm still in my pajamas, drinking coffee and reading lj instead of doing anything else. i already talked to karen this morning and she wants to go swimming. she asked if i wanted to go to the crystal lake pool but i said no because i have pool issues. and i do. i can't just go to a public pool anymore. it just scares me. so i offered to call my uncle and take her down there to swim tomorrow. i know that pool is okay. and i feel a little better swimming in it than in a public pool.
i really need a job so i can start doing things again. i'm feeling all tight through the chestal area because of it.
i stayed up till about 2:30 last night writing with CJ and Dayse and honestly it didn't help one bit. yes i had fun, yes i wrote a lot but i still have no desire to actually write anything of my own. i had open 'The Prettiest Star' last night and was this >< close to deleting the whole file because i decided it was worthless crap. did i mention that to anyone while it was happening so they could tell me to keep it? no. of course not. (note: did not erase file. put away the gun, dayse)
i dunno. maybe i'll go eat something and then go buy red hair dye and go to the DMV. i have to go out for the dye anyway. might as well get the DMV over with. i'll listen to really depressing music like the depression mix i made the other night.
the depression mix:
U2 - Love is Blindness
Beth Orton - I Wish I Never Saw the Sunshine
Marilyn Manson - The Speed Of Pain
REM - Everybody Hurts
Jann Arden - You Don't Know Me
Guns and Roses - Don't Cry (or whatever it's called)
and more...it's sob-er-ific!
i have things that i have to do but i can't get myself moving to do them. i know that if i don't go to the DMV i am going to get yelled at by my father. he's been patient so far with the whole losing my job and being mopey and depressed thing but it has to be done. i also know if i don't call Drexel for real this time and play phone tag in an attempt to get them to fax proof that i'm a student to my health insurance company he will get made as well. i wish to god i had the motivation to do that for him. and for me too. but right now i'm still in my pajamas, drinking coffee and reading lj instead of doing anything else. i already talked to karen this morning and she wants to go swimming. she asked if i wanted to go to the crystal lake pool but i said no because i have pool issues. and i do. i can't just go to a public pool anymore. it just scares me. so i offered to call my uncle and take her down there to swim tomorrow. i know that pool is okay. and i feel a little better swimming in it than in a public pool.
i really need a job so i can start doing things again. i'm feeling all tight through the chestal area because of it.
i stayed up till about 2:30 last night writing with CJ and Dayse and honestly it didn't help one bit. yes i had fun, yes i wrote a lot but i still have no desire to actually write anything of my own. i had open 'The Prettiest Star' last night and was this >< close to deleting the whole file because i decided it was worthless crap. did i mention that to anyone while it was happening so they could tell me to keep it? no. of course not. (note: did not erase file. put away the gun, dayse)
i dunno. maybe i'll go eat something and then go buy red hair dye and go to the DMV. i have to go out for the dye anyway. might as well get the DMV over with. i'll listen to really depressing music like the depression mix i made the other night.
the depression mix:
U2 - Love is Blindness
Beth Orton - I Wish I Never Saw the Sunshine
Marilyn Manson - The Speed Of Pain
REM - Everybody Hurts
Jann Arden - You Don't Know Me
Guns and Roses - Don't Cry (or whatever it's called)
and more...it's sob-er-ific!